In The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explore how confidence is built, and how it's often shaped by early life experiences. One striking insight from their research is how boys, from a young age, build resilience and confidence on the playground. Roughhousing, teasing, and friendly competition all serve a developmental purpose: boys learn to take risks, fail, and bounce back. As Kay and Shipman write, “Failure is a necessary part of confidence-building. Kids, especially boys, learn to get over it quickly.”
For women in leadership, this offers a powerful parallel. Too often, women are socialized to avoid failure, seek perfection, and play it safe—habits that can limit risk-taking and growth. But leadership requires exactly the opposite: a willingness to step into discomfort, make mistakes, and still move forward with purpose. The key isn’t avoiding failure—it’s reframing it as feedback.
This is where the growth mindset, a concept popularized by Carol Dweck, becomes essential. When we view ability as something that can be developed, rather than fixed, challenges become opportunities rather than threats. As The Confidence Code reminds us, confidence is not inherited—it’s learned. And the way we learn it is through action.
Women in leadership can take a cue from the playground: embrace falling down, getting up, and going again. Confidence grows not from constant success, but from resilience—the muscle we build every time we try, fail, and try again.
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